Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
