I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
