from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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