There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
