In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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