I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
