I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
