Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
