Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
