exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
