honey bunches of taint.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
