I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize