Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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