Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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