I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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