bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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