dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
