Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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