The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
