i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
