i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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