The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
