I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
