I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
