see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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