Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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