you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize