Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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