I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
