I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
