Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Randomize
