apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize