I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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