i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
