omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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