did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
