Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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