NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
