so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
