I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
