I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
