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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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