i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize