If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
