I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
is it fun? or sober?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
