i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
