My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
