Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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