remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
