Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
