my mouth tastes like poor choices
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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