She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My dick has a subreddit
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
