I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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