Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
