everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
