So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
