Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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