I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
