We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
