you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
