I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
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