my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
What a dumb baby whore.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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