I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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