Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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