It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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