I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
well most of my day revolves around power hour
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
