The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
