On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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