so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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