I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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