before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize