i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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