he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
