My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
