How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
