We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
