Kareoke will never be a sober sport
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
