the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize