Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
