i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
