1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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