Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
