Please, let me fuck your mom
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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