I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
