I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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