sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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