Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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