i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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