overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
