Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
