If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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