Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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