____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
