I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Panties = found
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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