i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
