I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Randomize
